Of Sadness and Strength

Of Sadness and Strength

I have been out of action lately. Every time I think of updating my blog, something holds me back.

My routine has been just about the same, a tad busier but not too much to pen a few words. I have also been preoccupied, but not overly so. Fading sunshine and drizzling skies have been a mood dampener since October began, but not enough to keep the writing bug away.

No, it has been something else. Someone has been on my mind, a strong woman; a sad mother. Since the day I read that piece of unfortunate news, it has stayed with me. And after that, every time I think of an addition to my blog, I can’t seem to go beyond that piece of story. A couple of times, I even tried to write something, put it on the blog, but it felt wrong and inadequate to share anything else on a mommy blog before I wrote about this mother who has been in my prayers every day.

Finally, today, I made up my mind to write about it, if not for anything else, to get it out on paper and resume with my blog.

The mother I talk about is barely an acquaintance. She worked for the same company as my husband when I met her for the only time way back in the year 2008. She invited a couple of people over to her ranch for a common friend’s baby shower.  We spent the whole afternoon there playing games, eating a lot of delicious food and exploring the farm. My daughter who was two and half years old that time tried to feed the chicken and even enjoyed a pony ride. The host appeared to be very warm, friendly and helpful. We came back home with fond memories of the day.

Now, almost a month and a half back, my husband told me about a tragic accident at that farm. A toddler fell into the duck pond and nearly drowned. The mother in question and the lady who had us over for the baby shower had put up a face book page with all the details and I quickly logged on to read about it. Tears welled up and kept falling as I read through the whole episode. In an unfortunate accident, her 2 year old son fell into the duck pond and by the time she found him, a lot of damage had been done.

Initially, when I read about her and the son, I felt sad, just like any mother does. We feel the pain of another mother to a certain extent. In this case, since I had met the mother once and found her to be very nice, it affected me a little more. But as days passed and I kept reading her updates, it touched my heart to see how earnestly she continued to fight for her son, to bring him back. In the middle of this tragedy in her life, she pushed back her pain and went after her son’s treatment with a vengeance. In one of her posts, she writes that her family jokes and calls her a nurse because she knows as much these days. When I look at her picture cuddling the toddler who doesn’t recognize her anymore, a lump rises in my throat.

We come across many tragic incidents, sad occurrences that move us. We read or listen about them, ponder for a minute and forget all about it the next morning. But there is something about this mother that refuses to be just another piece of news. Maybe it is her “what next or what more can I do” attitude that is unforgettable or maybe it is the way she is trying to reach out to families who have been in similar situations and at the same time research every possible cure, be it alternative medicine, massages, oils, reading, cuddling or a religious ritual that makes me applaud her. Whatever she is doing, she is definitely not giving up and simply accepting the fate pronounced by the doctors for her son.

I can only imagine how hard it must be for her to see her son in such a condition on one hand and still keep on trying and hoping that things would change someday soon. I am surprised she can actually think rationally and find suggestions to give.

I am not going to write anymore other than that I salute her for being the pillar of strength and an inspiration to every single mother.

You can read about her son’s condition on “Connor updates” on facebook. I am sure she can use all the support she gets. 

A Daughter's letter to her Mother

Often, while our kids play, we the moms get into a heated discussion about how a woman's position in the society (especially with reference to the Indian society) hasn't changed. The talks range from as personal as how still some of us have to ask our husbands before buying a single item to as distant as the news about a married woman's suspicious death in some remote village. The unfortunate but factual conclusion that we always reach at the end of it is that social, economic or financial status of a woman does not guarantee the preservation of her esteem or independence.

And since on the subject of women and independence, many are quick to point out how divorces are no longer as uncommon, blame it on the woman who does not wish to compromise anymore (read - no longer tolerates oppression!).

This article which is in the form of a letter was inspired by nothing less but the spirit of the "independent" woman..Read on...

End of summer

You know the end is near when the evenings turn cold and deep in sleep; your hands reach out for the blanket early in the morning.

This summer has been wonderful. Lots of outings, tons of activities and a couple of short vacations, wouldn’t have asked for more and wouldn’t have had even the energy for more!

This post is just going to be a rounding off for things that did not get a mention in the summer coverage. And just because they got written about towards the end does not mean they rank last in my list of fun things that we did this summer. You see, I saved the best for the last!

Cereal Art

With so many Art and Craft kits available in stores, finding something for your kid to do at home during the holidays is easier than finding an appropriate Television show for them to watch. But you know what, you don’t even have to go as far as the nearest store for what I am going to suggest next.

All you need for this fun filled Art project is:

1)      Fruit loops or any other cereal

2)      Thick white paper

3)      Pencil to draw

4)      Glue

5)      A couple of friends and lots of enthusiasm

It was actually my daughter who came up with this idea. She started arranging her colorful fruit cereal on the dining table one morning while eating it and made a lovely pattern. “Mommy,” she called, “this would look so good on a piece of paper”! That’s it, we invited a few of her friends over the next afternoon for ‘Cereal Art’. To give the afternoon a party feel, we added a couple of festive touches like covering the table with a pink (for girls of course) table cloth and having cupcakes and lemonade at snack time.

Of all the little projects that I did with my girls over the years, I would rank this as my personal favorite because of its simplicity. It showed me that you don’t need to spend a lot of money to create beautiful things or to indulge your kids positively or to have fun with friends. You just need to come up with ideas on how to creatively use things lying around at home and make the project fun yet affordable. It is true, I thought, as the pink sun shines and smiles brightly on my kids’ room wall, money can only buy the supplies, not the fun!

Sundry Substances

A  3 day trip to Mt. Rainer National Park with 4 other families, front row seats at the awe-inspiring Oregon Air Show, singing ‘Happy Birthdays’ for a couple of cute kids, capturing the never –seen- before kind of blue waters of the famous Crater lake in our camera, driving through a wild life safari where the animals roam free and not you, a couple of more picnics at the park and wanting to be a kid all over again seeing the girls splash each other at the community water fountain.

The summer days went by fast and hot, happy and lost! I wrote my first summer fun post on 7^th July and it is already two months since then. I am already feeling a little sad as the schools start, marking the end of summer. But not for long!

Soon, the spell will be broken and the leaves will change color. Fall will arrive, cool and crisp, deep and vivid; swathed in a beauty of its own. 

Summer Fun - part 2

A lot happened this summer. We have been busier than any given school day and I am just about ready for this vacation to end! But before that, here’s a list of the fun things we did since my last post on summer.

Berry Picking

So, berry picking, as an organized activity for the kids is a relatively new concept for me. BUT picking anything from a tree or a shrub is definitely not new to me!

Who would have thought that my daughter would be doing the same thing almost 30 years after I started doing it, the only difference being my mother didn’t pay for it, hers did. If the suspense is getting too much, let me clarify.

As a child, I spent every summer vacation in my native village. And there, come every afternoon, armed with stones, our group of cousins would go mango hunting. After a bit of roaming around in the hot sun, we would come across a farm whose owner would have gone home for a siesta. Two of us would keep a watch out for passersby, a few would aim hard with the stones and try and get the mangoes to fall from the trees and the rest would quickly stuff the hidden fruit in their pockets and shirts. The entire “picking” would take about 10 minutes and then at the sound of a warning whistle we would all run for our dear life, dropping half the mangoes on the way! I still have not been able to figure out why we resorted to stealing even when we got to eat mangoes at home, plentiful and all summer. I guess it was the case of forbidden fruits being sweeter!

My kids’ picking party was nothing like mine. We drove to the nearby berry farm one hot afternoon, carried our own containers, had them weighed and walked through rows of delicious raspberries and blackberries as pointed out by the farm owners. Along the walk, we ate as many as we collected and when we could eat no more, we returned to the cash counter, our containers full of delicious fruits.  The fruits were then weighed and paid for and as we left for home, the kids were already debating on whether to make a juice or a pie out of the remaining raspberries.

Beach Again

Having your wedding anniversary fall in July can be fun, especially if you happen to reside in a city where summer starts in July and ends in September. My sweetheart of 12 years thought this was a good year to give me the first ever anniversary surprise. On the special day, we drove up to the nearby town of Cannon Beach and checked into a hotel right on the ocean. The gentle roar of water and the sight of waves singing along the shore made for a beautiful and romantic evening. The kids played in the sand as we watched them,  hand in hand, feeling proud and emotional thinking about the journey the two of us started 12 years back and which had now two added travelers who brought with them love, joy, laughter and fulfillment. Witnessing the sun set over the water would have been a wonderful conclusion to the evening but the clouds refused to make way for the sun that day. But we were too happy, too much into our own celebrations to let it matter.

Dollar 1 Movie

It helps to have friends who take your kids to movies with their own and even better pay for them! A couple of theatres in the city run movies for a dollar one particular day of the week through the summer. Two of the moms and also my friends, took a bunch of kids for the movie “Hugo” taking advantage of the discounted rate of a dollar per movie. The kids had a blast watching the movie together and I was glad to have someone else do my job for a couple of hours!

Card game night

If left in a casino alone with considerable cash to spend, I would probably last the whole night! My love for playing cards (read harmless gambling) is well known in our circle of friends. I love to get people together for a game of cards which is mostly for my own enjoyment than anything else. In my experience, once they get started, even folks who aren't much into playing cards, find it hard to stop. 

One Saturday night this summer when I invited a couple of family friends over for a few card games, we literally played the night away, most of it anyways! Beginning at 10 p.m. we dealt a couple of easy games to start with. Everybody started getting into the grove past mid-night and before we knew it, a glance towards the clock on the wall told us it was 3.30 p.m. The surprising part wasn’t the adults playing cards till so late, it was our kids who were still up and playing in the other room, not even one of them showing any signs of sleep.

As we whispered good nights at the door, it was hard to keep the girls apart from each other, still giggling secrets, the thrill and excitement of having stayed up so late in the night with friends, clearly visible on their sweet little faces.  My little baby was growing up, soon, her friends will be her world, more than me, the thought was a bittersweet one, but, she will always come back to me, I told myself shaking away  all the insecurity and walking up the staircase as she called for me “Mommy, come and tuck me in bed”. 

Wrong but feels right…

Off late I have been doing things that are not right but don’t feel wrong. And this fight between the wrong and the right often leaves me confused. Most of it is to do with me being a mommy and to do or not to do is sometimes really not in my hands. Yes, I let my kids blackmail me into doing things I don’t want to and shouldn’t be doing but find it hard to put my foot down. There, I said it!!

Can’t say I am proud in this admittance but am not ashamed either! Yes, I spoil them, let them take advantage of the fact that I love them and occasionally, turn a blind eye to their blunders and on not so rare instances, I also let them escape a punishment well deserved.

Some of my misdeeds need a special mention as they smell of a strong disapproval from the “parenting authorities”!!! Like what?

Like when my toddler refuses to be fed and her six year old sister begs for the same. The solution – I let the toddler dirty herself and the dining table and eat whatever she can while I hand feed (or spoon feed, depending on what’s in the plate) her elder sister who is not embarrassed to be seen gulping down food at the hands of her mother.

Like when my kids fight. They love each other to death but on any given day they can be heard screaming, biting, hitting and running for their dear life to save themselves from the other about a million times. I interfere or let them figure it out themselves depending on how occupied I am at that moment. If I am talking on the phone I conveniently go deaf to ear piercing fake screams of “Heeeeellllllpppp” and if I am doing nothing, I call for an instant silence and quickly pronounce a “time-out” for the guilty party.

Like how I usually encourage my kids to ask questions and patiently try and answer all of them ranging from stupid (why can’t I drive your car?) to downright irritating (why is the blood running in our body?). BUT if they find a visibly wrong day to ask all the questions one after the other in quick succession, a day I happen to be pissed about something or not happy about my life, they get the “No more Whys” look and a curt answer that signals an end to that conversation, not that they are good at taking hints!

Like when it comes to discipline and things that kids are and are not allowed to do, me and the Dad are always in unison and on the same page. “Always”…if you don’t count this afternoon when I ignored the squeals of delight as the girls jumped on the living room couch, a feat strictly forbidden otherwise by their Daddy.  

Like the time and effort me and my husband took to ensure the kids slept in their own rooms after they turned three. It took about 4 months with the first child to accomplish that and with the second baby, the process just began. And yet, they are both in our room, on our bed on Fridays nights, spring break, their birthdays, our birthdays and anniversaries, sick days, first day of school, last day of school, Christmas, Diwali, New year and well, I am already losing count.

I should be mad, considering how many sleepless nights went into establishing this one routine of sleeping in different rooms. But instead, when they come, with their pillow pets and pink blankets, there is somehow enough room on one queen bed to accommodate all of us together and I sleep more soundly than the kiddos, snuggling up to their soft touch and tender breaths.

The Language of Tears

The Language of Tears

Tears; an overflowing heart; an articulation of joy; a sigh of relief and the face of melancholy. Taken to be your weakness, can also be a weapon.

Crying can be liberating, persuading and most of the times embarrassing.  Fiercely guarded and often misconstrued as a very private emotion, it comes out at the most public of places. Don’t believe me? Take a trip to the nearest airport.....read more...

Summer fun – part 1

Summer isn’t fully here still in Oregon but the holidays are!

Alternating between a drizzle, a cloudy sky and a hot afternoon, the weather still remains inconsistent making it difficult to build a routine around outdoors.  

On the very first day of school holidays, I woke up to a house scattered with toys and ear piercing screams of the girls pulling at each other’s hair. That kind of gave me an idea of things to come. The best course of action would be to keep them occupied as much as possible, I decided. That also meant that I had to be on my toes with them but till date it has been well worth the peace of mind.

So here’s a roll of what we have already covered in the first three weeks of the holidays….

Park picnics – we have had a couple of those already. Taking the kids to a nearby park, in my opinion, is the cheapest, easiest and the healthiest form of entertainment. Playing outside is good for the minds and bodies, plus its free so you don’t spend a dime and because it is so convenient you can just pack a picnic lunch or snack and even make a play date out of it. The kids can play together in the park and moms can chat while keeping a watch.

The beach – playing at the beach is one my favorite things to do whether its dipping my toes in the cold water or running around to catch the Frisbee or building sand castles with underground tunnels. The sight of rising waters coming to the shore and then going back in is soothing beyond words. The beach is an hour and half away from where we stay, close enough to head for it when the temperatures rise. Of the two times that we went to the beach this season, each turned out to be memorable in its own way. 

During the first visit we enjoyed the sun and sand to the fullest, played on the beach, had a picnic lunch and jumped on the cold waves as they came crashing to the store. The kids also had ice-cream and a ride on the carousal. The other trip we made was with friends who came to visit from out of town. It wasn’t as warm that day but we took our chances and went to the beach anyways. Luckily the weather improved as the day progressed. We picked up fresh berries of all kinds on the way from an organic farm store and had a delicious lunch at the beach town. 

The best part of the trip was when we rented a bicycle which could sit all 9 of us together and paddled on the streets, along the beach singing songs. The bike ride is not going to be forgotten for a long long time.

The library – books are a savior. I can’t express how lucky I feel to be staying near a library. Even if you chart a ton of things for the kids to do there are always days when you have nothing planned and then some days you are too tired or in no mood to entertain them; recovering from a previous day’s outing. Books come in handy, especially so on those days. In my house, everybody reads, so we don’t really have to wait for a spare day to read books but whenever my 6 year old complains there’s nothing to do, we take a short walk to the library and bring back a stroller full of books, enough to last a week or so. Most of the times, my 2 year old decides half way that she’s big enough to walk all the way to the library, we still take the stroller anyways and always put it to good use!

Fireworks – This year, the 4^th of July brought with it some nice weather and a lots of fun. After a nice lunch and a relaxed couple of hours near the lake, our group of 15 people including kids took a long walk to gather at a place where the neighborhood had organized fireworks. The fireworks were spectacular but our walk to and back from the venue was even more memorable. The small dim lit road that had a few cars going at that time of the night and never any pedestrians that late was bustling with people walking, sidewalks crowded and bubbly as neighbors/families came out to enjoy this dazzling event. It was a rare sight, watching the street come alive and the night so full of life. 

By the time we walked back home, it was almost 11.30 p.m. The kids were tired but so excited with all the outdoor fun; it took a little bit of convincing to put them to bed. And as we settled on the couch with a bowl of strawberry ice-cream to watch a movie, it seemed like the perfect ending to a gorgeous day of summer!