Someone not –so-wise once said– indulgence is sometimes a necessity and
strangers often provide perspective.
And that same person went on to say– Utility is good but not at the
cost of one’s vanity.
I have forgotten to pamper myself. Thinking practically and acting
prudently has turned my world into an organized, safe BUT predictable heaven. Small
pleasures like a movie in the afternoon without the kids or an uninterrupted
hour on the phone with a friend are exceptionally rare and give uncontained
joys and thrill when they come to me.
More than the outings or the me-time, it is how I treat myself that
makes me wonder if I was ever important at all? No one asks me to or tells me
to but it is as if the function of the Mommy brain differs a little bit from
the rest of the world. Convenience
presides over protocol and comfort over fashion.
Here’s a small example to help my case.
When kids learn to eat adult food, it takes time for them to develop
a taste for it and so every time a new flavor is introduced, they try a couple
of tablespoons and then clearly indicate their unwillingness to gulp it all. Ever
wondered what happens to the rest of the oatmeal, the half bitten grilled
cheese sandwich or the dried out rice and beans? They don’t go directly to the
trash can, not before the mother has tried to finish off as much as she can!
The point here being, and I say this for myself, I have gotten used
to treating myself to leftovers, food being the most unimportant thing on the
list. I get my husband’s full attention only when the kids are not around
(which is like never!), goes without saying I wait for the residue of my own
time from time to time! Anywhere I go is not without the thought “what about
the kids?” and anything I buy for myself is always accompanied by a reasoning which has
negated my first choice and that reasoning is “how much am I really going to
use this with the kids still being so small?” Out of the shopping cart goes the
clutch, in comes a ‘utility’ handbag which shall have to serve million other
purposes of storing a snack, a diaper, paper napkins, wipes, band aids, a small
toys, a pair of baby clothes apart from the wallet and my phone for which the
bag was originally intended to be bought.
Picking up something I liked without a second thought does not
happen often. Making a wise choice has become a habit and at times it comes with
the cost of regret. There is this huge bucket list titled ‘once the kids grow
up’ and nothing gets ticked off it these days. Not until recently.
Last weekend we set out to stock on summer clothes and footwear for the
upcoming holidays and trips. First of all, going shopping with the kids is
never a wholly pleasant trip; parts of it go in staging walkouts from the store
and finding them hidden between racks of clothes. Secondly, it is always them
versus us. If I concentrate on finding the right things for the kids, there is
no time left to shop for myself and vice versa. This time around though, hubby
insisted we shop for me first and so we settled on the first floor of this huge
departmental store starting with the shoes. I immediately liked a color and
style so we asked for the shop assistant to get the correct size.
While waiting for the pair to arrive my eyes fell on a gorgeous pair
of aqua heels. Before I could take my eyes off them, hubby brought them closer
for me try them on. “Are you kidding me? I couldn’t possibly walk even a step
in them!” was my response and he goes “Atleast try them on.” Highly unsure, I slipped
my feet into them and stood a few inches taller, feeling beautiful. Trotting before
the mirror I wondered how long had it passed since I wore such high heels, was
it 8 years or even more? The pregnancies, subsequent backaches and clinging
kids who refused to settle any place other than my hip, when in the world was
there an occasion to prance around in heels?
Before I could dwell too much on it, the sneakers arrived and I reluctantly
slipped out of the heels. The sneakers fit well and I walked a couple of steps
to check out the comfort but my heart was already lost to those pretty sandals.
Flat and robust, taupe colored sneakers felt dull on my feet in comparison to their
previous counterpart which were delicate and fashionable. “Why don’t you buy both?” hubby interrupted on
my thoughts gently, perhaps I had a look on my face similar to that of a child
who can’t have a forbidden candy. “No, no” I quickly said, “I don’t need the
heels, I will hardly even wear them and we have come to buy walking shoes because
that’s what I require for the summer.” I blurted out, maybe too much, too fast.
And while I was saying this, I had taken the taupe shoes off and
slipped on the high heels one more time, to revel in the feeling of being “non-motherly”
for a moment. “I can’t decide, I am confused.” I begged hubby for help. There was actually no confusion; the decision
was simple enough to be made. Flat was what was going to work for me most days
of the year, the heels would be worn once or twice if I got lucky, the rest of the
year they would lie in the closet giving me the pleasure of having bought
something I set my heart on.
Now comes the stranger and the perspective part. And mind you, her
opinion proved to be very vital, similar to that guest appearance in a movie
that plays a small but an important role. A well dressed lady sitting in a corner,
probably waiting for her shopping companions, was watching me go to and fro
between choices. At one point our eyes met and she said out loud “Buy those
Aqua sandals, they look good on you.”
“I am probably gonna use the sneakers more, I hardly wear heels
these days” here I was, confiding in total strangers.
“Doesn’t matter. Don’t think about which one you are going to use
more, buy what you love, just go for the heels, they are awesome!” she said it
so decisively and clearly, it was as if she knew I needed that small push to
indulge myself. And I will always be thankful to her for giving me a
perspective that went out of sight long time ago.
